In the Pursuit of Greatness

When I first started writing on my blog, it was just something I wanted to do so that I could express my love of gaming, anime, and manga.  Quite honestly, I had not thought about anything beyond doing it as a casual hobby and that it would be excellent to keep my writing skills in check since I no longer text role-played on AOL (America Online).  However, I things began to change once I realized that there were perks to be had from being good at this sort of thing, and that is where I believed my focus originally got tainted.

This post is about where I went off track and why I am back on it now, and why I am going to make sure I stay on that track.  If you are at all interested in my innermost thoughts, you can hit the jump to check out everything.

You see, when you become well known for something within this industry in the realm of reviewing or supplying content, such as IGN or Gamestop, then it comes with “perks”.  Free gaming review material, exclusive information that will not be released to the public until an embargo is lifted at a pre-determined day, access to games sometimes before they even come out, and even being able to request accessories (Such as Kontrol Freeks or Turtle Beaches) completely free of charge in exchange for a written review.  All these things that you did not have to pay for and could earn, privileges of  being good at your craft, but also, it marked how good you were AT doing what you loved.  As tempting as this sounded and how rewarding it could be, it had the direct opposite effect because it ultimately seemed to hurt me more than actually proving to be steady stream for inspiration and motivation.

In other words, I began to get greedy and measured my success by what I could or could not get for review.  “Well, this Xbox Live Arcade Game is out, I should be able to get that “, “Well, this video game is coming out and I think I have built up a good enough resume, maybe I can request and get that”, “Why will they not let me review this game?  Am I not good enough?  Why are these other reviewers able to grab this material?  What am I doing wrong?”.  Basically, I began to really get discouraged.  I did not judge my worth by my friends and family telling me I was good at my craft, I did not judge it by comments telling me I have helped them feel “Not so alone” by my editorials which expands on deeper issues, instead I let material objects determine my worth as a writer.  What had I become?  A shell of my former self.  

I realize something, whether-or-not the industry offers me their blessings and entrust me with review materials, that does not change how good-or-bad I am at a craft.  Those comments, those page views, those encouraging words from my friends are the things that motivate me and uplift me.  There is nothing wrong with me wanting reviews and materials to help me better improve what I do here on RoKtheReaper.com, but it should also not prove to be my sole reason for doing what I do, that is not something I care to allow myself to be burdened with any longer.  So, I will start each day with renewed vigor and look at my craft as something fun to do once again.

I want to thank this time to thank everyone who have really helped to support me and what I do, this would include a good number of my friends (Especially Brad, Mionca, Blanchard, Jimmy, Ryan, and one person I feel is a very devout fan of the page, Logan Butterfield).  I will continue to release into the future, thanks for everything.