This is a story about how I fucked around and found out.

I remember buying the Playstation 2 from Bestbuy; I was esctatic when my mom picked it up for me and my uncle (he’s mentally disabled) and was extremely hype to get home and get into it.  I could not believe how much better the graphics were, how the controller felt, and the rest of the improvements from PS1 to PS2.

One of the first games I played was Dynasty Warriors 3.  I remember thinking how absolutely insane it was that they could fit that many people onto one screen.  It was addicting to smash through the hordes of people and rack up the combo count into the hundreds.  I used many people (list 2 here), etc.  However, my current favorite were the Qaio sisters.  I used Da Qaio and my sister used Xiao Qiao; which is funny considering that “Da” and “Xiao” means “Older” and “Younger”, imagine that.  

 The Warning 

The Battle of Hu Lao Gate was a mission I came across during the campaign; I figured it was going to be pretty straightforward like the rest and did not give it too much thought.  I began to lay seige to the hordes of enemies that were spawned before me, clearing out areas and their mini-bosses as I led my army towards victory.

“Do not pursue Lu Bu!”; this piece of advice served as a warning to players who may believe they had the gusto to take on the legend himself.  I never studied Chinese history, so I had no idea who this guy was or his significance.  I had also never played any previous Dynasty Warriors game, so the ferocity was something I was unfamiliar with.  Of course I ignored this warning and found my way to him, and the next minute or so was to be forever etched into my mind.

 ENTER LU BU 

Approaching Lu Bu, I felt absolutely unstoppable as I tore through the hordes of soldiers of my enemy that double as mere canon fodder.  I saw the man himself upon his steed, Red Hare, and I smiled triumphantly as I prepared to knock him off of his high horse.  I started laying waste to him with attack after attack, doing my best moves.  Lu Bu stood there, unmoving with hyper armor as he absorbed every attack.  His HP barely moved, but I was convinced it was just about whittling him down; he just had more life than the other soldiers that I encountered but was just as much of a pushover.

I was wrong.  I was so wrong.

With a single swing of his spear I was hit back, flinging my character through a pile of soldiers from both sides who careened to the left and right of me.  My character doubled over, finally resting onto the ground with a clear line between myself and Lu Bu, all others being knocked out of the way.  “What the hell?!” I thought to myself.  My life was 2/3rds of the way gone.  In fact, I had lost so much life from that single swing that my life bar was draining to catch up to where it was now.  I was absolutely astonished and knew for a fact that I had underestimated my opponent.

I fucked up.

I started to run in the opposite direction, but Lu Bu on his mount proved to be too fast.  As he was speeding towards me, I managed to roll out of the way of his strike but just barely.  Lu Bu proceeded to climb off of his horse to pursue me, so I devised a plan.  I ran around in a circle, “If I can just take his horse I can get out of here!”.  Little did I know that you had to be a certain level in order to mount Lu Bu’s steed, and that was my undoing.  I was struck again as I attempted to climb atop Red Hare in vain; slapped another few yards out to lay in the middle of soldiers as my life drained before my eyes.  I should have listened…but I had to learn the hard way instead.

I’ve heard many other accounts of this from friends and other random denizens of the internet.  Most of us meeting Lu Bu for the first time etched a permanent memory within our brains, one we laughed fondly at when in the presence of other gamers.  I’m sure many of you also have a story regarding the time you learned that “Do not pursue Lu Bu” was a warning you should have heeded.