【Re:Zero】S4 E11 Impressions

I believe the greatest hurdle so far with this season is the loss of Subaru’s memory. It’s been an ongoing issue since it first appeared at the end of Episode 7, with a full reveal and its implications during Episode 8.

Subaru has been struggling to understand exactly who he is. Currently he has no memory of the events he’s already experienced, feeling as though he was just isekai’d to another world after leaving a convenience store. These people who are so unknown to him seem to have such a high opinion regarding Natsuki Subaru, and for what? WHY?! It has perplexed him at every time why someone so weak and undeserving is regarded so highly.

Return by death has plagued him, the constant pain and anxiety he experienced initially is once again a fresh experience. Subaru suffers anew as he struggles to know why things are this way. Trying new decisions while witnessing their effects and conclusions, it is apparent his choices result in varying results and it is maddening. Yet that’s why this episode is so brilliant.

Subaru has no idea about the feats he’s accomplished, even at the end of this episode. No idea why he’s viewed as someone who cherished and loved by the people who are dying or are within dire straights. Even with brief psychotic episodes where killing seems to be the best option or the emergence of a deranged “Natsuki Subaru” in the form of skin carvings or wall graffiti — his friends seem to put their trust in him.

Emilia was the beginning, and even now with no memory, she serves as his greatest catalyst for change. Seeing her as beautiful, clearly out of his league, he wonders how he could be so greedy. How it is that these traits which apparently he possesses could be possible, as Subaru knows firsthand the type of coward he is. Yet, this half-elf claims that she loves him.

“You might be right. There are people who are stronger than you, and plenty who are smarter, too, I’m sure. But… no matte what happens, you’re the one I want to be with. I hope and believe that’s what you’ll do.

Because…because if someone’s going to help me, rather than someone who does it because they can, or because they’re there. I’d be much, much happier if it’s someone I love“.

Emilia’s unwavering faith and confession of her love for Subaru helps him to understand. That strength of conviction which spawned from his absolute devotion to Emilia once again reaches this Subaru who understands absolutely nothing. It redoubles his resolves and allows him to face the possibility of carving a new feature with the Return by Death he experiences at the end of Episode 11. Even without a memory and only the feelings ingrained within him by Emilia, it is enough for Subaru to become who he needs be.

This episode in and of itself shows the absolute despair that Subaru has and the confusion caused by not knowing who he is or what he has done. That Subaru has demons within his closest brought about by his low self-esteem and worth from his previous life where he believes himself to be the lowest of the low. Yet, Emilia was able to show Subaru who he was from the eyes of someone who genuinely loves him. Genuinely puts her faith and trust within him and erupts in a Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann moment of, “Believe in the me that believes in you”.

I am truly excited to see what Episode 12 brings, as the setup was absolutely wonderful and the confession that Emilia has been building towards since Season 2 was done in a way fitting of Re:Zero. This series never disappoints.