Senpai no Kohai is a GL (Girl-Love) romance manga. This particular manga seems to carry a special place within the manga author’s heart, as she states that it has been crafted carefully since their debut and seems to be based upon personal experience. The notes at the end of the book seem to indicate that this book is a manifesting of the love from running into an old crush; allowing it to bloom into this story.
Sayuri Terazono is a woman who has inner-conflict regarding her sexuality when it comes to feeling for her kohai, Risa Nakayama. After meeting again after graduating a year ago, it seems as though her feelings are the same! However, is this simply a game to Risa, who has never been with a woman before? Are her feelings to be trusted, and should Sayuri let her defenses down? Perhaps Senpai Sayuri can learn something from her underclassman.
This story is multi-faceted in that it opens up once you begin to read more chapters. The protagonist, Sayuri Terazono, feels initially as if she’s simply her own worst enemy by creating barriers and obstacles where none such exist. It’s frustrating seeing the “Senpai” act so emotional and hesitant with clear-cut signs of affection from the one she’s been desiring the whole while. That is the case as more chapters seem to pass, but you’re empathetic to her internal conflict due to the things she’s been through.
Sayuri openly states and expresses doubts regarding Risa Nakayama. While it could be something as simple as their social circle, or their gap in University (Sayuri was a senior while Risa had just enrolled), it boils down to primarily be because of perceived sexual orientation.
Sayuri has openly stated that she knew, “It was a bad idea to pursue someone straight”. This is later backed up by believing the kiss shared between the two at their reunion at her job; Sayuri wondering whether-or-not “Risa sees her as a joke” and if it’s “Fun for her?”. This has led Sayuri back into attempting to suppress her feelings for Risa, which isn’t the first time. “We are not the same”, separating them into different brackets and seems to carry over from her student years of attempting to separate herself from those romantic feelings for Risa.
Being lesbian rather than straight has taken a mental toll on Sayuri. The previous statement of her saying, “It was a bad idea to pursue someone straight” seems to imply that perhaps she was rejected before by heterosexual women before. More than that, her trying to sum up those feelings for Risa as simple affection one would have for a model or celebrity translates to knowing your adoration is shallow and limited; something unattainable. Sayuri is cheapening her emotions to protect herself from the possibility of painful rejection. A good example of this is the pain she shows for her parents and her not speaking due to her coming out as lesbian.
I think by Chapter 3 we get to fully flesh out what’s wrong with Sayuri and why she’s so emotionally unavailable. How it feels as if the affection that Risa gives her is questioned constantly to the point she even says, “You haven’t been with a woman before me, right?”. It’s hard for her to believe that this isn’t simply an experiment to Risa; that this woman means what she says and isn’t going to simply leave once defenses are let down and feelings are fully invested. We also see this when Sayuri thinks, as Risa is confessing to her, “You don’t care that I’m a woman?”.
By the end, the beautiful moment of embrace between Sayuri and Risa seems to be the former letting go of bottled up feelings; worries of the past, being accepted, and the absolute fear of unrequited love. It seems more than simply a union between two people, rather, it’s a convergence of all of her trauma into a cocoon that evolves into a worry-free butterfly of self-acceptance and inner-peace.
Risa Nakayama, the person of Sayuri’s affections, is an unrealistic heroine. I say this because things add up in a way I do not believe would happen in real life; and this is where the vision of the author seems to manifest from longing. A perfect daydream; a supposed love that was lost to the harsh realities of life comes from the ether and turns your world upside down.
Risa seems to be the polar opposite of Sayuri in the sense that she’s outgoing and a socialite, while Sayuri seems to be more of a studious and reserved person. This is backed up by Sayuri mentioned that, “She led a completely different life than I did”. For me, it felt as though Risa would’ve approached Sayuri earlier with the type of bold and brazen attitude that was portrayed rather than taking a longer, more elaborate route; following her to work, studying to become an employee at the same job, etc. To me, this is backed up by the fact that Risa attempted to kiss Sayuri on their first day working together with no build-up whatsoever. You cannot believe that someone this forward would have not taken action sooner.
Moreover, the author makes it seem that Risa also secretly fell in love with Sayuri due to admiring her for a long time. Risa takes note of Sayuri’s academic achievements and that Sayuri was staring at her, and even blushing when hearing her named called out from a drunk Sayuri. Also, only after running into her a year later after she graduated (after unsuccessful attempts to find her contact information) did Risa “realize” she had romantic feelings. It just seems too implausible, especially since it’s heavily implied that Risa had a boyfriend at one point and also never been with a woman until then.
It seems odd to me that Risa admired Sayuri so intensely and did not interact with her during their entire year together at University. That even after seeing Sayuri crying and calling out her name, that she didn’t attempt to further talk after handing over a handkerchief. The personality of bold and outgoing except when it initially comes to Sayuri doesn’t mix at all well to me.
Risa feels like someone who exists simply to calm down the internal worries of Sayuri. The motivation and cause behind this love feels artificial. Someone bold enough to kiss on a reunion meeting and to take initiative every time a step needs to be taken (affection, dating, etc) doesn’t seem as though they’d need an elaborate setup to simply express their feelings (especially so rushed). This character simply feels as though they exist for the goal of pure fantasy to calm the inner torrent of Risa’s swirling emotions and doubt than an independent character.
This manga gets a “Half-&-Half” simply because there are positive aspects, such as how Sayuri is a really well written character with realistic and grounded doubts caused by her perspective of reality. However, there are also things which seem out-of-touch and equates to wishful thinking; as if this is some fantastical daydream to reaffirm everything Sayuri believes to be out-of-reach for someone like her. This is primarily done through Risa being a strong and bold pursuer while simultaneously having the ability to play the long-game.
The author obviously wrote this from experience because Sayuri’s feelings, doubts, and mannerisms seems to reflect the pains that comes with being scorned. Parents not supporting her sexuality, feelings of unrequited love caused by worries around Sayuri believing Risa was straight, and the inability to believe it’s safe to lean into her romantic emotions. I feel like I was staring into someone’s genuine concerns and tribulations when it comes to dealing with a one-sided heartbreak due to believing you’ve failed before believing you even had a chance. It’s a grounded take that puts you into the head of someone who’s fallen deeply in love but have given up all hope that those emotions could bear fruit, so you do your best to write them off as shallow adoration.
Risa comes off as a woman who simply alleviates all worries and fears of Sayuri by constantly swinging a sledge hammer at the pillars of doubt reinforcing her negative preconceptions. That Risa was admiring the shy, quiet girl the entire while; that she realized she was in love upon seeing her once more, and that she’d take the time to adamantly study and plot so that their fates would inevitably cross once more. Without more backstory and reasons as to why Risa would admire someone who simply had good grades and “Excelled at everything”, it seems very shallow. Anyone could fit within that mold, it wasn’t nearly as in-depth as the reasons why Sayuri fell for Risa.
Overall, it’s a heartwarming story for someone who is full of doubt. Sayuri overcame inner turmoil and came to stop repressing her emotions due to the acceptance and reciprocation of Risa’s feelings towards her; more so that she did not accept blatant lies when it came to those romantic feelings from Sayuri. However, this story feels so unbalanced due to the reality grounded Sayuri and the Knight-in-Shining-Armor Risa. Though, to be fair, love doesn’t always make sense and as Ed Sheeran said before, “People fall in love in mysterious ways”. It was a pretty good read, but I can’t give a full recommendation due to Risa not being nearly as fleshed out and simply seems like an answer the protagonists internal struggles.
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